The Glass
by Delta Wish
Summary: Lavi ponders the relation between his life, his friends and a glass that may or may not be half full.


**A/N: **Alright, so this just came to me on a whim. I had a glass of water, and I'm actually pretty obsessed with this Fandom (particularly at this point of time) and suddenly this formulated in my mind. Sorry if it's a bit shaky. I just did that in about an hour. And this is my first time writing for DGM.  
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- Delta Wish  
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_**The Glass  
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_Is the glass half empty, or half full?_ He idly mused, tracing the top of the glass with one finger. The day had been rather demanding of him, so he had been trying to relax with a nice hot meal. He just returned from a mission, so being lectured and having a whole heap of work dumped on him was not the way that he would have liked to spend the day. No, he would have liked being able to spend time around the others, relaxing and letting the rather painful purple and green bruise on his left hip heal (he had gotten it when he had collided with a very solid brick wall). Instead, he had been cooped up in the library all day, reading line after line of text and coughing nearly constantly from the amount of dust he inhaled.

Now, he had finished his supper, which was just as fantastic as he expected (Jerry was indeed the fantastic cook), and was wondering if the glass of water in front of him was half empty, or half full.

He could argue that it was full - with both water and air - but that seemed like a hollow answer to him. Something a complete idiot who thought everything was all rainbows and glitter would think. The red head slumped across the table knew better than that. He was an exorcist, and by default he knew that the world was filled with darkness and suffering. Tragedy. How would an Akuma be born otherwise?

How would wars be started?

That was the reason he was here. War. He was disgusted with humanity and their silly reasons to start fighting with each other. He believed that his hope in humanity had been squashed years ago.

_Half empty … or half full. _His finger traced the lip of the rim once again as he watched the glistening water with his one green eye. With the previous mindset, he could assume that the glass was half empty, right? Misery, loneliness, disgust and utter boredom was the reason that he had become a Bookman, and through that an exorcist. It was their job to fight a war.

And yet, he wondered how the others could still smile. Lenalee was always smiling. Was it because the people around her brought light to her life, even if she had to fight and watch people die? Even if she knew the people around her could die at any time. He wondered how she could forgive Allen for letting Suman die (even if it wasn't the boys fault). The man had died in front of Allen - Lavi had seen Timcampy's recording.

No, she didn't blame Allen for that. She blamed the Noah. It had caused her so much pain and suffering when she had witnessed the tape showing Allen bleeding to death on the forest floor from the hole Tyki had put in his heart. It had been agonizing for her. It had also hurt Lavi, more than he knew or would like to admit.

He was a Bookman. He wasn't supposed to have a heart. Wasn't supposed to care. Yet … when Lenalee hadn't returned to the ship on their way to Edo … it had nearly torn him in half. Something had broken deep inside him, and he found a new reason to fight.

Not because he was a Bookman, who at that moment was also an exorcist, but because he wanted to come back alive with all his friends at his side.

Lavi's finger stilled. Memories, crystal clear because of his photographic memory, flashed through his mind. The fight at the top of the Arc. Against himself, or more precisely, who he used to be. He had destroyed the incarnation of his younger self (stabbing it only after he had stabbed himself in the gut, which had actually been rather painful). The self before he had come to the Order. It had been agonizing to hear the cries of all his friends as he cut them down, or how Allen and Lenalee had asked him why he was hurting them. He had nearly lost his mind.

In the Arc he had come to a clear understanding of something. He cared far too much. He cared for his friends, and along the way he had stopped being Bookman Junior and had become Lavi through and through.

He might as well permanently adopt the name.

Lavi closed his eye and let a small smile cross his lips. He did think of them as his friends. As his allies. Not just ink on a page. Not just words lost to the ages. He couldn't tell which smiles were real or fake anymore. Which emotions were forced or genuine. It was all a muddled mess, but he couldn't be happier. Because of these people, who he had been brought to because of a war and a fight for their lives, he was happy. Undeniably so.

The grin grew. Maybe the glass was half full. Even so, it still left that 50% of nothingness. Pain. Again, his thoughts were drawn to his friends.

Of Allen, who fought for both humanity and Akuma. His compassion and love was nearly endless. He was the boy who could keep smiling and caring until he died. Who had as much suffering, maybe more, in his heart as everyone else. Still the boy smiled.

Of Krory, who's only love and family had died long ago. As naive as a child, who could also have fun like one. Who felt so much emotion that it sometimes made him a little unstable.

Of Miranda, who even though had been a failure most of her life, was touched by a simple 'thank you'. She felt so much love for those around her, that she tried to take away all their suffering and put it on her own shoulders. Who felt responsible if they were hurt, even if it wasn't because of her.

Of Komui, who looked out for all them. Even though he sent them out to the field to maybe never return, he would welcome them home with open arms and a smile. His annoying sister complex that had led to multiple robots tearing apart the Black Order's Headquarters, Octopuses on Allen's head and Lavi with a blow dart in the neck.

Of Lenalee, who was always happy just to be around them all. Her friends were her family, and her family was her world. If one of them were to disappear, then part of her world would shatter. Lavi felt a warm feeling pass through him when he realized that he was included in that. It then vanished when he realized that if they were to win this war, he would be leaving (most likely to never return).

Why couldn't he be more like them? Oh yeah, because he was a Bookman. Only there to observe. He frowned and gave a small sigh. So, which was it? Half empty or half full? Which would he chose for the poor glass, and therefore the way that he viewed the entire world. He wasn't who he used to be, so it should be half full. But still … he saw so much misery around him that the glass could very well he half empty.

Which was it?

"Lavi!" a voice called, and the red head looked up to see them running towards him. Had they been looking for him? The grin grew on his face again as he saw Lenalee running towards him with Allen just behind her, followed by Yuu at a slower pace.

"Hey Lenalee!" he greeted, sitting up and wiping any trace of melancholy that had been in his expression. The dark haired girl demanded to know where he had been, which he had laughed and replied that the Panda had locked him in the library again.

Allen laughed as Lavi described nearly drowning in the amount of books, while Lenalee marvelled on how he could read all of them in such a short period of time. Kanda just 'Che'd and ignored their antics before Lavi whined about how mean Yuu-chan was - and then had the sharp edge of Mugen aimed towards his throat.

"Stupid rabbit," Kanda growled, earning a glare from Allen. The two started to bicker, calling each other by their mildly insulting nicknames. Lavi could practically see the sparks flying, and his grin grew as Lenalee tried to break up their fighting before it got violent.

Lavi was definitely happier around them, and when around them he could forget whatever had been troubling him. What was really important to him was the people who cared for him. Who cared about some silly human wars when he had the people who made him happy with him? He would fight for them, because they meant the world to him.

The glass was just too damn big.


End file.
